at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
