Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize