i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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