I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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