Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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