So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize