If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
