garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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