Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
