My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
