I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
