it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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