What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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