I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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