im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
