glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
