You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize