I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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