i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
