Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize