If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
