Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mom said you looked used
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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