I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
