I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize