he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
