I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
