well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
