So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
