I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am midnight drunk by noon
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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