She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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