I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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