just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
