i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
