they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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