I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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