Please, let me fuck your mom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
