I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
