3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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