I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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