this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
