I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
