What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
