Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
