Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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