At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize