i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
