i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
