i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
