The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
