I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
