Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
