A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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