At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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