More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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