My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
