Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
