Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
