and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
