i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
