So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
